Harvest of Heartbreak

As you may know, I planned on eating the pineapple with my family during Christmastime. But, I just didn't have the heart to see this plan to (de-)fruition. I nurtured the plant for over two years. I had watched it grow. Killing it and eating it seemed wrong. It is not my custom nor is it my practice to nurture things only to kill and eat them. That is a job I happily leave to livestock farmers.

Well, I wish I was made of sterner stuff. Harevesting it earlier would have at least rendered its flesh edible. Instead, something smelled rotten in my house (and more recently, as soon as the weather got nice, it smelled rotten out on the balcony). The smell was that of an overripe pineapple.

Its flesh used to be firm and green. Lately, however, its flesh was turning an unhealthy orange and yellow, and from it arose a penetrating aroma. (The aroma of an overripe pineapple, as described above.)

Anyway, I still had a problem. I still had not the heart to put it to the sword. Luckily for me, I happened upon a kind drifter on the street, who supplied his own blade and did the terrible deed. Even more luckily, he left after he was done without harming anyone. I taped the entire terrible thing. Watch if you must.

EXECUTIVE PARDON

Taking what power is vested in me as the executive of my own personal affairs and property, and endeavoring to ensure that domestic tranquiltiy reins and that justice is established, and furthermore notwithstanding pledges to the effect that I would have eaten my pineapple by now, I have resolved to pardon my pineapple plant from any immmediate butchering and eating. This pardon is not something I take lightly, and should be looked upon with all the dignity, pomp, circumstance, and weighty tradition of another famous pardonings, like this one, for example: http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2009/11/25/official-pardoning-turkey

The president, an executive like myself, of course has the authority to declare that live turkeys within the lawful possession of the executive branch of the government (federal) may be pardoned from the dinner table. What he does not have the power to do, however, is make school lunches better in Florida, no matter what he said to this inquisitive reporter at 4:24 into this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rP-695ATg-c The main stream media should have picked up this story, because the answer the President gives, while mainly nonresponsive, sets a dangerous precedent that could be exploited and built upon in the following years.

For your information, other executive gardeners include, but are not limited to, G. Washington and Martha Stewart. See below:

http://www.mountvernon.org/

http://www.savvyhousekeeping.com/martha-stewarts-herb-garden/

Music Video

Music Video

Partial Status Report

I make for you now a partial status report below, corresponding to the pictures above.

Potato, Sweet; Potatoes, Regular: fighting for survival. For further information on what is happening, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnrXiaPVeHY&feature=PlayList&p=5746AC95FD252265&index=11 (listen to the lyrics at 19 seconds into the clip).

Pineapple: has been moved inside where it grows and thrive, and on less water than it required outside.

Basil: harvested heavily when the wheather changed, these plants took a beating, but don't count them out yet.

Jalapeno: has not done anything noteworthy other than continued to not grow.

Garlic: sometimes the ones that grow the fastest and most quickly also burn out the fastest.

Potatoes Are Calm, For Now

A new but enthusiatic reader asked about the potatoes. I posted a picture of them above. As some of you may recall, after the sweet potato vine began to strangle the pineapple plant, I thought I would teach it a lesson by making it pick on something(s) its own size.

Many of you of course expected a Highlander-type duel to ensue between the various potatoes. Although I applaud you all for your interest in this critically acclaimed and popular genre of fiction, I am sorry to report that, as you can see, although it is getting a little crowded down there, all the potatoes are behaving themselves.

But, winter is coming. They'll find out who their friends are soon enough, I think.

Night Moves

Take a look at this tall drink of water. It continues to grow at an astonishing rate (photographed at night).